West did it tonight. He asked me the question. One I had thought a lot about, but knew I would never be prepared for.
Prompted by the story of Rebekah and Isaac having twins, West asked me "who's tummy did I come from?"
There it was. The big question all adoptive parents wonder when and how they will answer it.
Feeling like a loser, I could not remember West's birthmom's name. So I said to him " you came from a lady's tummy in Russia"
"who is she?" said West.
"I'm sorry hon. I don't remember her name. do you want me to go look it up really quick?"
West: yes.
So I jump up and go to his baby book and look up his birth mother's name. As I walk back I'm calming my nerves and preparing for a lengthy conversation about this person that means the world to both of us, but whom we know nothing about.
I go back to West and say, "What was the question you asked?"
W: We were talking about babies in tummies.
Me: oh yeah. Well, the name of the lady who had you in her tummy was ______
W: oh. How was I in there? Like this? (west curls up in a little ball)
Me:( smiling.) Yes. You were curled up like a little ball
W: How big was I?
Me: oh about this big (showing how big with my hands)
W: Who did you have in your tummy?
Me: Well, Daddy and I decided not to have anyone in my tummy. Remember, families can adopt or have babies from their tummies.
W: How did I come out of her tummy? did I wiggle and kick?
Me: hmmm???
W: How did I come out of her tummy?
Me: (totally not prepared for this question) Well, you wiggled and kicked out.
W: but how?
Me: ummm . . .. well babies just come out of tummies (HE'S FOUR. I CAN'T TELL HIM THE DETAILS THAT CAUSED ME TO WANT TO ADOPT WAAAY BEFORE I KNEW GOD'S PLAN FOR US!!!!!!!!)
W: How do they get out?
Me: God helps them out
W: How do they get out?
Me: God helps them out
W: Am I going to school tomorrow?
So I don't know if West's questions were about his birth mother or about where babies come from. Either way, I am emotionally and mentally exhausted after this 3 minute conversation.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
So he finally asked . . . .
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10 comments:
You did a great job. Sounds to me like it was more of whose tummy then birthmom related. But I'm sure those questions will come too.
Oh West! He wasn't letting you off the hook easy was he!?! You handled it great it sounds like. ;o) Wonder if he went and asked his teacher too.
SO CUTE!!! I didn't have to tell Meghan (now 8) how babies come out of tummies, one day she was 4 or 5 and was watching cartoons and flipped the channels a few times, and went over to the TLC channel where "A Baby Story" was on. It showed enough for her to figure it out....LOL. She said "MooooooMMM!!" and I walked in and I was kind of surprised what was on TV and she said hesitatingly "Uhhh I know how babies come out of bellies...." LOL.
I agree that you did well. I'm not ready for that conversation either. Thanks for sharing yours, so we can all be prepared. I guess I thought we were still safe at the age of 4 1/2!
You answered those questions great! He is one smart little boy. 4 year olds are so inquisitive.
Kim
www.prudhomme-family.blogspot.com
I love West's curious mind! And I so love that you document these conversations and share! It's this combination of sweet innocence and especially deep thoughts for a 4-year-old.
Julie,
Not an easy conversation to have. I had this conversation with our girls about 109 times about 6 months ago--when they were just over four years old. I would have to tell the whole story of them being born in Russia and their adoption. Then they would ask for all their cousin's stories--they were much shorter stories since they are all bio kids. They have let up a little on wanting to hear the whole story in the last couple of months. I thought they seemed to have a good understanding. Then this past Sunday I helped teach their sunday school class. The teacher read a book about how God made you. Anya "corrected" the teacher a couple of times that she wasn't a baby--she was two. Even after telling the story 109 times, she believes life began at two--when she was adopted.
The conversation gets easier. You did a great job!
Amanda
Good job in answering West. It is really difficult explaining to someone so young without getting into too much details just yet. :)
You did so good to not over answer. You checked what he was really asking by asking him questions back and then gave him the information he could handle. I'd say for all your turmoil ... you did it exactly right! Way to go Mom!
Wow, what a bright young man you have! You did a wonderful job only answering his questions and not giving him more information than he can carry right now. He is such a thinker I hope you will always have such thoughtful conversations with him.
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